Let's See What Happens

Don't Forget

2012-02-08T12:46:00.004-06:00

Eva,

I don't remember much from my childhood. I really have a horrible memory. It used to bother me that I have lost so many moments, because I can't remember them. I'm getting over it though.

What I am afraid of, is forgetting YOUR childhood. I can already see it happening. You will be three in April and there are already things that have happened in your first few years that I won't remember. The big things I'm sure I'll remember, but the little things, the moments that may not seem much to someone else are the moments I'm afraid I will lose. See, these are the moments that bring me such joy. They're the moments that you teach me.

I don't want to forget the story you told me this morning about Bob and Cake (the squirrels who live in the tree outside your window), which involved a box they made that had a picture of two toes on it. You know, they made that box just because they like to play in it? I don't want to forget how much you love these animals that you've only seen from a distance. I don't want to forget how every once in awhile, out of nowhere, you'll ask what Bob and Cake are doing. I don't want to forget how big your imagination and your heart are.

I don't want to forget how much you love your sister. How everytime I lay her down for a nap, you have to give her a kiss, and you get upset with me if I lay her down before you get to. How, if she's upset, you tilt your head to the side and ask her, "What's wrong baby?" and pat her head or rub her back to try to calm her down.

I dont' want to forget how smart you are. You really amaze me EVERYDAY with the things that you do and say. I don't want to forget the sound of your voice singing, "Jesus Loves Me." Or how when someone tells you you're pretty, you say, "Yeah." like, I know I am.

I don't want to forget how much you love your daddy. How your eyes light up when he gets home from work and how you only want him to tuck you in at night.

I don't want to forget.

I don't want to forget the moment this morning when you brushed my hair back and put your hands on my face and simply said, "You're gorgeous." I don't want to forget how I was having a rough morning, and those words in your sweet little voice brought up so much emotion, that I was unable to speak for fear that my tears would spill out. I don't want to forget how a few moments later you said, "Mama, your breaf is yucky." (Darn coffee breath)

I don't want to forget how smart, funny, kind, beautiful (inside and out), honest, imaginative and compassionate you are. But more importantly, I don't want you to forget. I want you to grow into a woman who knows she's smart, funny, kind, beautiful, honest, imaginative and compassionate. I want you to remember how much you love your daddy. And I really want you to remember how much Jesus loves you.

I love you always,
Mama

p.s. ~~I have a video of you singing, but couldn't get the sound to work. Daddy will work on that later ;)~~ Daddy fixed it!

I'm Planning On...

2012-02-02T16:44:00.000-06:00

"I'm planning on..."

I have found myself saying this to my husband so many times that I really don't think he believes it anymore. I'm planning on painting the bathrooms. I'm planning on becoming a super couponer (after multiple failed attempts I have realized this will never happen). I'm planning on organizing the office space, the pantry, and every single closet we have. I'm planning on eating right, exercising, and just overall adopting a healthier lifestyle. I'm planning on going to church EVERY Sunday. I'm planning on getting the laundry done today, getting groceries tomorrow, and calling the bank about that awesome deal they have on refinancing right now. My "planning on" list goes on and on. It seriously never ends, because I can always think of something to add to it. The massiveness of this list overwhelms me at times. Especially right now. This time of year is really hard on me. I, like so many, deal with Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD - isn't that funny, cause that's the way you feel when it hits you really hard). Basically, sunshine/spring,summer and most of fall = happy Sarah, and cloudy days/the dreariness that is winter = unmotivated, moody, sometimes sad, and often in her pajamas Sarah. All of that isn't what this post is about though.

I need to get my crap together, get it organized around here. I told my mother-in-law at the beginning of the year that my word for 2012 is, "simplify" and I meant it. I really want to weed out the unnecessary things that seem to just weigh me down even more. The clutter, the junk. I was all ready to go at the beginning of the year. First thing first, I needed to get all my crafty stuff (which multiplied out of control during Christmas) out of my dining room, pantry, and daughter's closet and into one spot. And I did. But that's all I've done.

Now, to the point of this post. I'm planning on taking it room by room. (Did you catch that? I'm planning on...) I would like to sit down and figure out everything we want done in each area, and finishing that area before moving to the next. That word "finishing" that's the key to this mess, I believe. I think that's why I feel so overwhelmed a lot of the time. I LOVE starting a project, not so much finishing it. I understand it's a very common trait among us middle children. Anywho, I start, don't finish and then I'm left with this chaos because I've started something new on top of whatever is left from the last thing.

My homework assignment to myself: Start a "Planning On" Project binder and distinguish the different areas that need work in and around my home.
Note about assignment: Do NOT move onto another project before finishing this binder.

Okay, wish me luck. I will post back here when I have finished my assignment. At least, I'm planning on it.

It's a Party!

2011-12-07T08:33:00.000-06:00

My baby's birthday party was last weekend and I decided to make the decorations myself. I didn't want to go all out because, well, I think it's crazy to go nuts on a one year old's birthday party, and she sure didn't care about it. I made was this banner and garland:

I was really happy with the way they turned out. They're not perfect by any means, but they served their purpose and I learned a lot about working with felt.

I found a couple of other ideas on Pinterest, such as these tissue paper poms;

the fingerprint guestbook;

and the cupcakes:

I found a lot of other ideas that I would like to try, but I was only going to go so far! Projects for the next one maybe. I'm going to keep the banner for future birthdays and the rest I'm going to try to use in the girls' rooms. Our oldest thinks they're, "So pretty!" What a girly girl (in comparison to her mother) she is!

It was a great day with family and friends. Our baby sure enjoyed herself.

Happy Birthday Baby Girl!

2011-12-06T08:54:00.000-06:00

My baby turned one on Saturday. It was such a wonderful day. We had a party and celebrated with cupcakes and ice cream. (She LOVES ice cream!)   I am just so grateful that she is healthy.

December 3, 2010 - We went in for a scheduled C-section to meet our second daughter. It had been a very easy pregnancy. Mama healthy, baby healthy. It was supposed to be completely routine.   As soon as she was delivered, something seemed....off. When our first daughter was born (also by C-section) the nurses talked to us. They went on and on about her hair and how beautiful she was. With this one it was different though. They were quiet and I could see it on their faces, something wasn't right.

They cleaned her up a little, brought her over for me to see and then took her to the nursery along with my husband and I was taken to recovery. For an hour I was in recovery. I was so anxious. I just wanted to hold my baby, and unlike my first C-section, I was completely awake and aware of everything the whole hour. I talked so much to the nurse who was there with me, and if you know me you know that I am HORRIBLE at making small talk with strangers. Twice she called the nursery for me to see how everything was going. She wasn't ever able to give me any information. I don't know what was said to her but I remember her telling me, "I'm sure it's just busy, if there was something wrong the doctor would come talk to you."

My recovery time was over and it was time for me to go back to my room and I still didn't know how much my baby weighed, how long she was... if she was okay. I just kept repeating to myself what the nurse said. It's busy in the nursery. (And it was, my c-section was moved back two hours because of how many unexpected deliveries had come in that morning.) If something was wrong, a doctor would have told me. I hadn't seen a doctor so things must be okay. They took me back to my room and I was alone. My husband wasn't there yet, he was still with the baby.   All alone, no one to talk to, no nurse for me to ask questions to.

A knock on my door and someone in a white coat enters my room. A doctor. My heart sank. I could feel the tears forming before she even started speaking. I cannot for the life of me remember what her name was, I can't even remember if my husband was there, but I remember her telling me that my baby wasn't breathing right and they were going to have to take her to another hospital that could handle her condition. What she was saying, just didn't make sense. Words that I had never heard before, being used to describe my baby's condidtion. This isn't right. My baby is healthy. My doctor would have told me if something was going to be wrong.

And she would have, if she could have known. Our little girl was born with bilateral choanal atresia. Basically her sinus cavity never opened up. In her case, it was still full of bone. She couldn't breathe through her nose, and with a newborn that means she couldn't breathe. There was no way that this could have been detected in an ultrasound.  She was fine as long as she was in me, but as soon as she tried to take her first breath she was struggling.

From her first breath. From her VERY FIRST breath, she had to fight.  She had to fight and I was powerless. I couldn't protect my baby in that moment. I just wanted to take her from them, put her back in me. There. She's safe there. Now leave her alone. But, that wouldn't have solved anything.

The next time I saw that doctor she was explaining that they would be flying our little girl out soon. My husband was going to go by car, because the other hospital was only about two hours from where we were. I had to stay at the hospital. I had just had a surgery. I couldn't leave and they were taking my baby two hours away from me.  My baby, that I had only seen for a moment. The helicopter crew brought her up to see me right before they left.  She was ready for transport so I couldn't hold her. I touched her for a moment through the incubator and then she was gone, my husband with her.

That was THE longest night of my life. I needed to get to that hospital. I needed to be with her. Thankfully God layed his hands on me and I flew through all of my discharge prerequisites.  The hospital and my doctor were wonderful and let me leave the next morning, under strict instructions to take it as easy as possible. My sister, who had stayed with me through the night, drove me the two hours so that I could be with my baby.

The first time I saw my little girl was for a brief moment before they took her to the nursery. The second was for a brief moment before they took her to a different hospital. The third was this:

I couldn't hold my baby. I couldn't comfort her.

By the time I was able to get to the hospital, she had already had her first surgery to remove the bone so that she could breathe. She ended up being there for the first two weeks of her life. I was finally able to hold her on December 9, 2010.

It was a long two weeks. We stayed at the Ronald McDonald House (love them) and while we were going through something we hadn't planned on, we were still very fortunate, very blessed. Our baby was going to be okay. She could recover. There were other families there that couldn't say the same thing.

After a few months of procedures, two different doctors, two different hospitals, we finally found the right doctor. She hasn't been back to the doctor for the atresia since March 15, 2011. She's good, she's really good. She does have one nostril that is always snotty but we're not complaining.

She turned one on Saturday.

My favorite gift that she's been given...health.

Let's See What Happens

2011-11-07T23:03:00.000-06:00

I want to be crafty. I want to be witty. I want to be passionate about the Lord. I want to teach my girls how to be strong, compassionate, generous women with a love for God. I want to never stop learning. I want to be healthy. I want to run in a 5K. I want to grow old with my husband. I want to be what God has planned for me to be. I want to follow His will.

I've spent a lot of time in recent years thinking about what I could have been, what I could have done. Thinking, "Wow, you really fell short. MILES short of what you could have been! You're not a stupid person and you could have really made something of yourself had you ever actually applied yourself in anything." I didn't though, and it wasn't until it was too late that I realized that. I have thought these things, and then along comes social networking sites and it feels like they just rub my face in it. I see all of these people that I know or have known, doing these things that, at this point in my life, are pretty much just dreams from a distant past. I start having these "what if" thoughts, and then I hear God saying, "Open your eyes woman. Look around at all that you have, at all that I have given you. You are blessed and if you don't pay attention and start acting, it really will be too late. Too late to do the things I have planned for you."

There are things in my life today that are teaching me so much about myself. Things that, had I "became something" wouldn't be in my life. For instance, my husband and our two beautiful girls. It is amazing to me how much you can learn from a two year old! I can't ever sit here and wish that I would have done things differently. That would be wishing away three of the most precious gifts He's given me. I may not be where I thought I would be, but I have faith that I am exactly where He wants me to be. I can look at my girls and look at my husband and know that I am something to them.

There are so many things that I would like to do, but do any of them really matter if they aren't what He wants for me?

So here I am, starting a blog. Will I stick with it? Who knows. I have many projects lying around my home that I have started and not yet finished and this could be another. My hope though, is that with a little motivation, provided by this blog, I'll talk about what I'm doing and want to finish my numerous projects on the off chance that someone might be reading about it. I want the blog to be a tool to help me become what God wants me to be, so I think about what I could have been less and start thinking more often about what I could be.

Let's see what happens.