That's Not What I Wanted

I remember when I was pregnant with Aubrey, Christmas shopping for Eva.  There was one particular gift I wanted Santa to bring her.  A chair. Her chair, for the living room.  It's where she spent a lot of her time (still does) because it is literally in the middle of the house.  Whether she was "reading", coloring, playing with her toys or watching TV, I could keep an eye on her.  She was still small enough though, that she couldn't get up on our couch by herself so I wanted a place for her to rest comfortably that was all hers. 

I searched everywhere for the perfect chair.  I looked in stores and online.  I looked at rockers, chairs, couches and even recliners.  I had a vision of what this perfect chair was going to be. Can you tell I was at the end of my pregnancy and all jacked up on hormones? It was not only going to be something that she loved, but it was going to be stylish and pretty.  It wasn't going to be one of those cheapos you get with a cartoon character on it.  No, it was going to be something we wouldn't mind leaving out where everyone could see it. Maybe something like this:

And really, what I had in mind, was much fancier.

That didn't happen.  I just couldn't bring myself to spend, what I feel, is a ton of money on a chair she is going to grow out of.  So, I settled.  My dream of the perfect piece of furniture vanished.  This is what she got instead:

  
The Dora Flip Open couch.  Yes. Yes. That is a cartoon character.  Yes, I did get it from Wal-Mart.

Good Lord! I've failed as a parent! 

I was so disappointed.  She loved it.  Still loves it.  Seriously though, one of the best purchases ever.  Especially, when I find that this thing that was supposed to be "all her's" has become "all theirs."

I have so many pictures just like this.  They lay there and talk, and giggle, and live in their sister world (for about 5 minutes and then the screaming and crying starts).  It may not match my living room, it may not be what I wanted, but that's okay.  They love it, and that's all that matters.  

 

Late Night Ramblings

It's late.  I should be in bed.  As heavy as my eyes are, it wouldn't take me long to fall asleep.  I've been reading Sarah Bessey's blog again.  I just love the way she writes.  I can spend way too much time reading her blog.  By the time I pull myself away from the computer I find myself wanting to move to Canada and call my kiddos, "tinies".  I don't always agree with everything she says, but she inspires me and now I find myself wanting to pretend that I can write half as well as she does.  Only I sit here, and nothing comes.  I can't think of anything to write about.  Probably because I'm exhausted. 

I worked outside today and it was nice.  I finally decided to plant my mums.  I know, they will likely die.  I waited too long to put them in the ground, but I think part of me hoped we would sell the house quick enough that I could take them with me and plant them at our new home.  It doesn't appear that is going to happen though, so I'm going to do the best I can to not waste perfectly good mums!  Eva and Aubrey helped me.  Translated means, Eva dumped a bunch of dirt into the driveway and yard and Aubrey freaked out everytime she thought she saw a granddaddy long leg.  I don't know what I'd do without all of this wonderful assistance!  Actually it is sweet how much they want to help and if I think about it, it will be humorous looking back on Aubrey's fear of these spiders.  It's not funny that she's scared of them, but the way the freak out begins is the funny part. 

Imagine: Aubrey is having a wonderful time playing.  The evening sun is shining through the trees.  Big piles of newly fallen leaves all around. Her loving big sister joins the scene.  Ever the helper, she directs her where to go and how to play.  Aubrey follows along, and I think, "How sweet.  I love when they play so well together."  Eva continues to narrate their activities and then it happens.

"And Aubrey, there's the granddaddy longlegs,"  Eva informs. 

Only there aren't any granddaddy longlegs, but by this time Aubrey has gone into a panic.  She starts screaming and running towards me.  Luckily, it doesn't take much to calm her down and she will stay close until she feels the vicious creature has found other prey.  I really can't say much though.  After all, I am the woman who thought her hair was attacking her.

Carving pumpkins a couple weeks ago.

Today I'm grateful for these two beauties.  They're just so amazing.  At this point in our lives it feels like I'm constantly frustrated because it seems as if they just don't want to listen.  Sometimes I get angry.  Sometimes I'm just plain cranky and mean.  Sometimes I have to ask them to forgive me.  They always do.  Without question.  These little people have given me so much.  I'm so grateful for these "tinies".  Did that sound Canadian?

P.S.  Sorry for any typos/misspellings.  My brain is overly tired.  If I've made some errors, well, I'm too tired to care! :o)

Warm Fuzzy Feeling

I love this time of year.  Thanksgiving. Christmas.  It's the first day of November and I was so tempted to put Christmas music on!  I usually wait until the day after Thanksgiving to bring out the Christmas stuff, but I may have to break out the CDs a little early this year.

I think my favorite part about both holidays, is just the way I feel.  It's like two whole months of warm, fuzzy feelings.  I'm really excited about Christmas with the girls this year.  It's going to be so much fun!  Although, we need to talk to the girls some more about it.  We were talking about Christmas during dinner one night last week and I asked Eva, "Do you remember why we celebrate Christmas."
"Yeah," she says.
"Whose birthday is it?"
"Jesus."
This is where I smile. So very proud of the fact that my daughter knows what Christmas is about.  Then with much more enthusiasm, she says, "And Santa's going to bring me toys!"
So, we might have a little work to do there.  On the bright side though, I'm pretty sure she thinks Jesus is the coolest guy ever.  She doesn't get presents for anyone else's birthday!

Seriously though, I would like to focus on being grateful for what we already have over the next month. As we get into Christmas I'd like to be able to stress that it's more a season about giving than receiving.  Show the girls ways we can give to others, not necessarily presents, maybe volunteer our time.  This would be more for Eva this year, than Aubrey.  I want my girls to grow up with grateful hearts.  I want them to want to be generous.  I'm not expecting a lot right now though.  I don't think I know any toddlers that are especially great at sharing!

In the spirit of Thanksgiving and being grateful, I'm going to follow the lead of many of my Facebook friends, and come up with something each day that I am grateful for.  Today, I'm grateful for my God.  He has given me so much. I look around and realize how blessed I am.  I am grateful for a God that loves me and is patient with me and doesn't give up on me. 

Any ideas or suggestions to build a grateful heart?

Family

It was a very emotional moment.  My babies were in the nursery so I was able to give our pastor my undivided attention.  His words broke my heart and healed me all at the same time.  At the end of the service yesterday, he spoke to us, his church, about how we had become his family.  He has lost three of his four children, and his remaining daughter will not speak with him.  He didn't speak of how he lost them.  Instead he described a man that was needing a family and needing love and found it in our church.  He described us as his brothers and sisters, as his daughters and sons and his grandchildren.  He voiced how grateful he is to have been led to our church and how much all of us mean to him. Through the tears filling my eyes, I could barely see him.

There are a lot of Sundays that I leave church and my heart, my mind, aren't in the right place.  I sit in church and my mind wanders.  I look around and I see families sitting together and I want that.   I want my husband there beside me.  I want my parents and siblings sharing these moments with me.  I want to be able to pass my baby to family and to grab up those babies that are a part of my family.  I sit in church and realize that most of these people have known each other their entire lives and sometimes I just feel lonely.  Not this Sunday.  This Sunday, I walked out of church with my babies and Brother Bill looks at my girls (after talking about losing his children) and with a huge smile says, "If I had great-grandchildren, I would want them to look just like you girls!"  This Sunday I walked out of church and realized I am the furthest thing from lonely.  There is so much love in our church.  I have family there.

I feel comfortable passing my babies to the members, and I love playing with their babies.  Every Sunday (usually during Children's Church) Eva gives Brother Bill a huge hug.  There's a woman in the choir, I think in her eighties, that told my girls, "Just call me Mamaw Rose, everyone does!"  And she tells them that she loves them often.  If we aren't there, it's noticed.  I have this awesome family at church!  And to top it off, I have an awesome family outside of church too!  Each one of them, no more than a phone call away.  They may not be sitting next to me on Sunday, but they're very much a part of my life.  I'm so blessed, so very blessed with these families and I am just feeling very grateful right now.       

   

The Eyebrow

I know I have already shared this story with several people, but I feel like I need to write it down (type it out, technically) because it's just too good not to remember. 

Anyone who has been around Dad for very long at all has probably, at some point, witnessed, The Eyebrow.  It's this fancy little move he does, one eyebrow up, one eyebrow down, and if you're getting it, you've likely done or said something that's hit a nerve.  We used to get it often when we were growing up.  I really can't imagine why though, we were always on our best behavior and we would have never said anything sarcastic towards him! (Insert Dad giving me the eyebrow at this moment)

Anyway, we were eating lunch about a week or so ago, and Eva looks at me and says, "Momma, can you do your eyebrows like Pappy?"  I figured she was talking about, The Eyebrow, so I whipped out my best impression.  Evidently it was what she was looking for, because she giggled.  I preceded to tell her, that when Pappy would give us that look as kids, we would usually say something like, "Uh oh, Dad's giving you The Eyebrow." or "Watch out, you're getting The Eyebrow!"  She giggled again, and that was the end of the conversation.

Later that evening, Eva did something she wasn't supposed to do.  At this point I don't even remember what it was.  I know it wasn't a huge deal, but it needed to be addressed at the time.  As I was talking to her about it, she bursts into tears.  I can't figure out why she's crying.  She's been in trouble for much worse, and I know that I've been angrier before.  So I ask her, "Eva, what is wrong?"

"You hurt my feelings!" she wails.
"How did I hurt your feelings?"
Wailing even louder now, "YOU GAVE ME THE EYEBROW!"

I had to laugh.  It caught me so off guard.  I have practiced that look so many times, mostly trying to give Dad a hard time, and I've never really thought that I did that great a job of it.  I had no idea, that I did it without even trying!  Beware siblings, The Eyebrow is genetic!  When you least expect it, it'll attack! 
 
P.S. Love you, Dad.

Out of Practice

I've heard writing is something you need to do daily.  It doesn't matter if it's deep or insightful or boring.  It doesn't matter if it's the best thing you've ever written or the worst.  The point is to just write daily.  If you want your writing to improve, you have to practice, just like anything else. 

I've been missing practice!

I really do find writing therapeutic, I just have a hard time making a habit out of it.  Then, when I find myself most wanting/needing to, it's almost as if I've forgotten how.  Well, it's a new month.  I'm going to try to get in the habit.  We'll see.  Hopefully I'll post something else tomorrow, but you know me, there is a chance I won't  I'm thinking positive thoughts though so...I'll be back tomorrow!  Even if it is just to tell you what I wore! 

Eva Is 3

Eva's third birthday was in April.  It doesn't seem like three years have gone by but evidently they have.  We had her party at home.  It was beautiful weather so we had it outside.  Nothing fancy, just our immediate family.   She had a blast.  Every once in a while, she'll look at me and say, "Mommy that was the best birthday ever!"  Mission accomplished. 

Last post, I told you that Adam was in the process of recovering our pictures. And he did.  He saved every. single. picture.  Though, as I was looking through them I realized not a single picture of her from her birthday was a good one.  Not even one!  Oh, well!  Here are a few of my favorite three year old:

What is on her face?

I smile every time I look at this one.

"Yes, that is smores all over my forehead.  Do you have a problem with that?"

Hello, Chunky Monkey!  How did you get so big, so quick?

It's been the best three years of my life.  They have been the most challenging, educational, rewarding and hardest three years, and I'm so grateful for them.    

Bad Blogger!

I realize I have been a bad blogger.  Shame on me!  I've had all kinds of posts in mind to do, but I just needed to take the pictures off my camera.  A little advice...transfer your pictures as soon as possible.  I'm horrible about this and have had pictures on my camera since February.  Procrastinate much?  Well, I was going to transfer them the other night and my memory card quit working.  I mean you can't read anything off of it and now my camera doesn't even recognize it!  Oh, woe is me!  All of my beautiful pictures (and a lot of not so beautiful pictures)!  Seriously, I have been really sad about this.  There were pictures from Easter, Eva's birthday party, the NICU reunion at the zoo and just our everyday pictures.

But, look!  What's that in the sky?  A bird? A plane? No!  It's Super Geek (a.k.a. Adam) with his powers of technology whispering!  He has figured out how to save my pictures!  My Hero!
(Just in case you were wondering, he wasn't really in the sky.  He was actually perched behind a computer working his magic)  I am so very grateful for his powers.

He is supposed to finish recovering all of my pictures tonight or tomorrow, so hopefully I will be posting some long overdue memories very soon!

Conversations with Eva

At approximately 8:32 a.m., this conversation took place:

Eva:  "Hey, Momma.  Whatcha doin?"

Me:  "Folding clothes, what are you doing?"

Eva:  "Playing a game."

Me:  "What kind of game?"

Eva:  "A walking game."

Me:  "Oh yeah?  How do you play that?"

Eva:  "Well, you walk left and right."

Me:  "Really?  Is there anything else you do?"

Eva:  "Um, you kind of go forth and back."


Exciting game.  My girl, you are too funny for me to handle sometimes.   


10:30 a.m.

Eva sees the birth mark on my leg for the thousandth time.

Eva:  "Is that your birf mark?"

Me:  "Yep."  

Eva:  "Did you draw on yourself?"

Me:  "No, that's always been there."

Eva:  "What happened?"

Me:  "Nothing, that's just the way God made me."

She thinks a minute...

Eva:  "Does God have a birf marker in his hand?"

Me:  "I guess so."


A birf marker.  I love it.

This Child

I have this child.  She is hard headed and she acts as if she knows more than I do.  I tell her one thing, and she does another.  I tell her stop, and she goes.  I tell her, "Don't do this, it isn't good for you," and she does it anyway.  I sometimes wonder if the things I say to her hold any meaning or if they are just words.  I wonder if she has any idea how much I love her.   

I found myself thinking these things today, after the 462nd time of talking to Eva about something she had done, that she knows she isn't supposed to do, and I heard God say, "I. do. too." 

I heard Him say, "I have this child. She is hard headed and she acts as if she knows more than I do. I tell her one thing, and she does another. I tell her stop, and she goes. I tell her, "Don't do this, it isn't good for you," and she does it anyway. I sometimes wonder if the things I say to her hold any meaning or if they are just words.  I wonder if she has any idea how much I love her." 

Maybe not in so many words, but He made Himself clear. 

Now I have to look at myself and ask, "do I?"  Do I ever really think about how much He loves me?  Do I look at the guidance He gives me (out of love) and see it as merely words?  Do I give it the proper attention and value it deserves?  Honest answers now...Not really.  Usually.  No. 

I look at my girls and think about how much I love them.  If I think about it long enough it actually hurts, and I'm realizing, that as much as I love them, it cannot even begin to compare to the love He feels for them. To the love He has for me. 

How can I expect my children to listen to me, when I, more often than not, fail to listen to my Father.  Even scarier, how will they learn to listen to Him if I'm not showing them?

These children I have been blessed with are teaching me so much.  So much about myself and so much about Him.  More and more I am learning to recognize His voice.  Yes, I heard You.  Thank you for guiding me and for loving me.   For showing me such grace when I fail. 

Now...could you please speak to Eva about sitting on her sister? 

Is it Spring Yet?

Oh, this weather!  I had all the windows in my house open today...in February!  It has me itchin' to start a garden.  I'm making big plans for my garden this year ( I think Adam's a little nervous about the amount of work that could be involved).  I just can't wait to get started.  Now, by the end of the summer, I'm going to be so tired of that garden that I'll likely be ready to set fire to it!  I'm like that when the seasons change.  I look forward to specific moments that happen every year and then by the end of the season...I'm done with it. 

Why yes, that is my garden, and that is me working ever so hard in it. 

Oh, wait.  No. No, that's not me and that garden's too green to be mine.  Nevermind.

pinterest

Every fall I can't wait to get a fire going in our woodstove.  There's just something about the warmth of a fire on a fall day.  It's wonderful.  Right now though, I'm sick of it.  I'm sick of the dirt that comes in the house with the wood.  Sick of the ashes that I'm constantly sweeping/vacuuming up.  Sick of filling up the humidifiers. Sick of the boxes that pile up next to the stove (because they're helpful in starting a fire so we can't throw any of them away...unless I sneak them into the trash).  I'm just sick of it!  (And I am now done complaining about the cheap source of heat that helps keep our electric bill down)

Each season has its moments that I look forward too, and I'm always ready for the next one (except winter, winter I could do without).  I think God really knew what He was doing when He created these season things.  Seriously though, I'm grateful that I have a God who created seasons for reasons so much bigger than me, but at the same time, knew that I would look forward to them with such anticipation.  And that's the way I see it.  I'm not trying to be all egotistical, like, "Look at me!  God made the seasons just for me because I'm that important and I get bored with the same weather all the time!"  I'm just saying that it's amazing to me that my God cares so much that he would create in me a desire to see the seasons change.  How miserable would it be to only like one season?  I would be unhappy with the weather roughly 75% of the time.  I believe that He loves me so much, that He wants me to be happy and would think of me and create such a simple desire, because  He is that awesome (that's right...I said awesome) that He thinks of each and every single one of us individually and wants us to be happy.  So much so, that in creating us, He takes into account even simple things, like the comfort a warm fire brings on a cold day or how good it feels to grow something on your own.

I could still do without winter though.  But, without winter, how would I appreciate how much I love the rest of the seasons?

I'm so not a girly girl....but really I kind of am.

I have never thought of myself as being a girly girl.  I don't get into make-up and hair.  My closet is full of worn-out clothes.  I only shop when I HAVE to (I think this is mainly because I don't have a clue when it comes to fashion so I get stressed out and just grab the first thing that fits and looks okay).  Now, I know these things are not what necessarily make up a girly-girl, but in my mind it is what keeps me from being that girl.  I don't want you to think that I think that it's bad to be a girly-girl.  I have wished many times that I could be more like this, but it's just not me.

So, I've embraced that I'm not girly.  But, here's the thing, sometimes I really am.  Like last week when I had to go to the wood shed.  We ran out of firewood and the temperature was supposed to drop so I had to go down to the wood shed for some more.  Now, I really don't like the wood shed.  It is like the local hangout for snakes, mice, spiders and bugs, so I really try to avoid it whenever possible.  This time of year isn't too big of a deal.  It's too cold for snakes, bugs and most spiders, and the mice are pretty rare because of Kat (our cat).  I still don't like it though. 

This is where the creepy-crawlies live.  (Just to be clear, I'm not talking about the cuties in the picture!)

So here I am, all alone in the wood shed, loading up the truck.  Everytime I pick up a piece of wood, I expect some rabid mouse to attack me or a flesh eating bug to crawl up my coat sleeve.  It's crazy, really it is, but I'm doing a quick inspection of every piece.  I get all the firewood that I'm going to for this trip and move on to the kindling.  As I bend down to pick some up, I feel something moving in my hair.  And this, ladies and gentlemen, is where the girly-girl comes out.  I start dancing around that wood shed like a mad woman, because as you know that's the best way to get an unknown creature off of you.  I'm shaking my head back and forth and doing whatever else I could think of trying to get this thing off of me.  I'm sure it's some kind of huge, hairy, cold-loving mutant spider that is going to take my life.  Then I freeze, because I've realized it wasn't a man-eating spider at all, it was just my hair.  A piece of hair had fell down from my ponytail.  I proceeded to do what anyone would do in this situation...look around and make sure nobody saw my little freak out.  I don't know who I was expecting to see.  Adam was at work and the girls were sleeping.  I can only imagine what would have happened if there had been someone there.  Now that would have been a freak-out.

So there you have it.  My name is Sarah, and I'm a girly-girl.

Here's a little randomness from the past couple of weeks...

So a couple weeks back I posted about trying to get things done around here.  I have been working on it.  Really, I have.

First thing I did was create a binder of sorts.  I know, I know, this is so geeky (my sister makes fun of me and calls me "The Binder Queen") but I love to create my binders and couldn't resist.  I made a section for each area of the house I want to work on and then listed the things I want to do in each area.  I organized it by areas I want to work on first. 

First on my list was my office area.  This is actually just a corner in my kitchen.  We used to have a whole room for our office, a desk and a file cabinet and everything.  Then we had Eva and the toys started to multiply, so the office became a playroom.  Then we had Aubrey and the playroom became Aubrey's room.  The toys are starting to take over the house again and it's driving me crazy! 

This was the state of my office area before:

Seriously, I'm going to fire our maid. 

This is what it looked like after:

I really don't like these counter tops.

Really don't like these counter tops.

I think my favorite part is my pin board.  I just cut a piece of cork board to fit the cabinet and wrapped it in some fabric (actually an old skirt that never fit me right).  I have been able to keep the area looking decent for longer than two days, and that is an accomplishment. 

Next on my list is finishing Eva's room.  I bought some wall decals a while back that I need to put up.  I also need to fix the tree that we painted when I was pregnant with Eva.  There's just something...not right...about the branches.  I'll post a picture later and you'll see what I'm talking about. 

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Some things to remember:

How Eva dances to make Aubrey laugh.  This always gets a good belly laugh from Aubrey.  I love that Eva wants to make her happy, and that Aubrey finds such joy in her sister. 

Aubrey has some great facial expressions right now.  I think my favorite is when she lowers her chin and kind of looks at you through the top of her head.  She looks so mean, but all you have to do is make the same face and she smiles.  It's all a game with this one.  I've tried to get a picture of it, but when I bring out the camera all she does is say, "EEEEEESE!"

Eva hugging Bro. Bill during Children's Church.  All the kids were sitting up front and all of a sudden Eva stands up and starts walking around.  I'm thinking, "Oh no, where is she going?!"  She walked straight to Bro. Bill, gave him a big hug, and sat back down.  It was sweet. 

How Aubrey holds her "babies" and rocks them.  All babies/stuffed animals/music playing glow worms or sea horses go to her shoulder and she rocks them side to side.  Well, until the music stops or she loses interest and then she throws them to the floor. 

I love that Eva says sparkles instead of sprinkles.  Ex:  "Oh, that cookie has pretty sparkles!  That's my favorite."

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Valentine's Day was last week and the hubby and I decided not to do anything for each other this year.  Or so I thought. 

I never know what time he will be leaving work, so when he called me on his way home, I figured he was just getting off work.  The stinker went to the store after work to pick something up.  I couldn't get angry, because not only did he get something for me but he got something for all of his girls. 

Eva and Aubrey got these pillows

and they love them.  Eva insisted on taking hers to bed that night and then carried it around with her half of the next day. 

I'm not a big fan of Valentine gifts, at least for myself.  A lot of that has to do with the fact that I'm cheap.  I don't like to think of our money going to something I don't need when there are other things that it could be used for.  He knows this and he did good.  I've been talking about trying to drink tea instead of coffee and evidently he has been listening.  He brought me home a bag full of different kinds of tea to try.  It was a perfect gift. 

I love that he thought of us all on his own.  I do believe he's a keeper. 

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And that's the end of my randomness for today, because I'm sick of this post and I'm sure you are too. 

   

Goodbye For Now Dear Friend

I started going to a new church a little while back and I have to say, I'm really liking it.  Everyone is always so friendly and they are wonderful to the girls.  They have a nursery which is so nice because I can actually listen to the service.  I can't begin to explain how welcomed I feel everytime I'm there. I've lived here for almost five years and that church has been five minutes down the road the whole time. I've drove past it so many times and thought, "I should go there this Sunday." So many times. For some reason, it took me this long to go, but I'm glad and so very grateful that I finally did. 

There was a service tonight for Ash Wednesday.  Since it was in the evening and there wasn't any kind of nursery, the girls stayed home with Daddy while Momma went to church.  I haven't observed Lent in a long time.  For the past couple years I've felt that I've been led to, but kind of ignored the feeling.  How horrible is that?  How many times have I asked Him to speak to me, to show me what He would have me do, and when He does I ignored it, because of my own silly issues.  Thankfully, He's forgiving and doesn't give up on me.  Lent has been on my mind for a couple weeks now and this year I'm going to listen.  So, starting tomorrow, no TV for me.  At least, not until Easter.  This is big for me.  I really like watching TV.  Like, A LOT.  It's kind of like reading a book, where I just get caught up in the story and forget about what I should be doing (not as good as a book, but same concept).  It's like a friend, who lives in my living room, and does whatever I tell it to.  Oh, dear friend, what will I do without you? 

I'm really going to miss it but isn't that the point.  Self-examination, repentance, prayer, fasting, self-denial.  It is too easy for me to sit down in front of the TV when I have other things that need to be done.  How can I find time for this week's episode of Grey's, but I was just too busy to spend time in the Bible?  Priorities.  Mine are off.  They need to be corrected.

He sacrificed so much for me, I think I can turn off the TV. 

Don't Forget

Eva,

I don't remember much from my childhood.  I really have a horrible memory.  It used to bother me that I have lost so many moments, because I can't remember them.  I'm getting over it though.

What I am afraid of, is forgetting YOUR childhood.  I can already see it happening.  You will be three in April and there are already things that have happened in your first few years that I won't remember.  The big things I'm sure I'll remember, but the little things, the moments that may not seem much to someone else are the moments I'm afraid I will lose.  See, these are the moments that bring me such joy.  They're the moments that you teach me. 

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I don't want to forget the story you told me this morning about Bob and Cake (the squirrels who live in the tree outside your window), which involved a box they made that had a picture of two toes on it. You know, they made that box just because they like to play in it?  I don't want to forget how much you love these animals that you've only seen from a distance.  I don't want to forget how every once in awhile, out of nowhere, you'll ask what Bob and Cake are doing.  I don't want to forget how big your imagination and your heart are.

I don't want to forget how much you love your sister.  How everytime I lay her down for a nap, you have to give her a kiss, and you get upset with me if I lay her down before you get to.  How, if she's upset, you tilt your head to the side and ask her, "What's wrong baby?" and pat her head or rub her back to try to calm her down. 

I dont' want to forget how smart you are.  You really amaze me EVERYDAY with the things that you do and say.  I don't want to forget the sound of your voice singing, "Jesus Loves Me."  Or how when someone tells you you're pretty, you say, "Yeah." like, I know I am.

I don't want to forget how much you love your daddy.  How your eyes light up when he gets home from work and how you only want him to tuck you in at night. 

I don't want to forget.

I don't want to forget the moment this morning when you brushed my hair back and put your hands on my face and simply said, "You're gorgeous."  I don't want to forget how I was having a rough morning, and those words in your sweet little voice brought up so much emotion, that I was unable to speak for fear that my tears would spill out.  I don't want to forget how a few moments later you said, "Momma, your breaf is yucky." (Darn coffee breath)

I don't want to forget how smart, funny, kind, beautiful (inside and out), honest, imaginative and compassionate you are.  But more importantly, I don't want you to forget.  I want you to grow into a woman who knows she's smart, funny, kind, beautiful, honest, imaginative and compassionate.  I want you to remember how much you love your daddy.  And I really want you to remember how much Jesus loves you.

  

I love you always,
Momma

p.s. I have a video of you singing, but couldn't get the sound to work.  Daddy will work on that later ;) Daddy fixed it!

I'm Planning On...

"I'm planning on..."

I have found myself saying this to my husband so many times that I really don't think he believes it anymore.  I'm planning on painting the bathrooms.  I'm planning on becoming a super couponer (after multiple failed attempts I have realized this will never happen).  I'm planning on organizing the office space, the pantry, and every single closet we have.  I'm planning on eating right, exercising, and just overall adopting a healthier lifestyle.  I'm planning on going to church EVERY Sunday.  I'm planning on getting the laundry done today, getting groceries tomorrow, and calling the bank about that awesome deal they have on refinancing right now.  My "planning on" list goes on and on.  It seriously never ends, because I can always think of something to add to it.  The massiveness of this list overwhelms me at times.  Especially right now. This time of year is really hard on me.  I, like so many, deal with Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD - isn't that funny, cause that's the way you feel when it hits you really hard).   Basically, sunshine/spring,summer and most of fall = happy Sarah, and cloudy days/the dreariness that is winter = unmotivated, moody, sometimes sad, and often in her pajamas Sarah.  All of that isn't what this post is about though.

I need to get my crap together, get it organized around here.  I told my mother-in-law at the beginning of the year that my word for 2012 is, "simplify" and I meant it.  I really want to weed out the unnecessary things that seem to just weigh me down even more.  The clutter, the junk.  I was all ready to go at the beginning of the year.  First thing first, I needed to get all my crafty stuff (which multiplied out of control during Christmas) out of my dining room, pantry, and daughter's closet and into one spot.  And I did. But that's all I've done.

Now, to the point of this post.  I'm planning on taking it room by room. (Did you catch that? I'm planning on...)  I would like to sit down and figure out everything we want done in each area, and finishing that area before moving to the next.  That word "finishing" that's the key to this mess, I believe.  I think that's why I feel so overwhelmed a lot of the time.  I LOVE starting a project, not so much finishing it.  I understand it's a very common trait among us middle children.  Anywho, I start, don't finish and then I'm left with this chaos because I've started something new on top of whatever is left from the last thing. 

My homework assignment to myself:  Start a "Planning On" Project binder and distinguish the different areas that need work in and around my home. 
Note about assignment: Do NOT move onto another project before finishing this binder. 

Okay, wish me luck.  I will post back here when I have finished my assignment.  At least, I'm planning on it.