What Will It Be???

Tomorrow's the day.  We find out if baby # 3 is a boy or girl.  I've had so many people ask me what I think this little one is going to be, and I truly have no idea.  I never had a feeling with either one of my girls.  The girls have definite thoughts about this though.

Eva:  "Well, I really want a boy, but I think it's going to be a girl."

These pictures have nothing to do with this post. But what's a post without pictures, right? 

Aubrey: "It's a girl."  No thinking about it, she KNOWS it's a girl.  In the beginning she was emphatic that it was a boy.  I have a feeling no matter which way it goes, she's going to say she was right.

I'm so excited/nervous right now.  I can't wait to see my baby tomorrow and I'm just praying that everything is forming exactly as it should be.  This pregnancy has been a little nerve wrecking for me.   I thought that the further along that I got, the more sure I would be in the baby's health.  That's the way that it's gone in the past.  This time I'm more nervous the further along that I get.  Our last miscarriage was hard for me to deal with, so I think the fear builds a bit knowing that if something happens it's gonna be that much harder the closer I get.  I've kind of been counting down the days to each appointment just so I can hear that heartbeat and confirm everything is going ok.  I've been able to feel movement for a few weeks now and when the baby is still (or I'm unable to feel it) for a day, I find myself just praying for one kick, one roll, just something so I know that the baby is ok.

So...I can't wait for tomorrow!  I've never been so excited about an ultrasound.

 Boy or girl, I really truly don't care, I just can't wait to see our baby.  Then, I can't wait to tell the girls!

Winter

I meant to post this last night but I forgot.  It's back to a normal winter day today.  In fact it's snowing right this minute.  Adam just walked into the kitchen growling, "God, that's all it does is snow!  If I wanted this much snow I'd move to Alaska!"

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We're going a bit stir crazy  in this house.  It's been so cold and I'll be honest, sometimes getting the girls dressed to play outside in this weather, isn't worth it.  I am ready for spring.  Beyond ready.  The girls are too.  I went down to the basement a couple days ago to do laundry and the girls were wearing their water wings and playing with a beach ball. 

So it's been a cold winter. Basically a yuck winter that sucks the life straight out of ya.  It makes me want to pack up everything and move somewhere warmer.  I've brought it up to Adam multiple times this week and was only half joking.  Earlier in the week we had some rain/snow wintery mix that came down and we've been home all week from school because of it.  Today, I'm washing this week's 213th sink full of dishes and I look outside and it's just what I needed to see.  So I had to snap some pictures of it.

 

 

I am no photographer so the pictures don't do it justice, but it was gorgeous.  I'm not a winter person.  It makes me sad and I miss the life that is so visible in the other seasons.  Today, looking at those trees reflecting the bright light of the sun, it made me happy.  While I still crave green grass and warmer weather, this is enough for now, and I am so very grateful for it. 

Body Back

I've been unhappy with my weight for a long time.  It's something I've struggled with and been unhappy about since before I was a teenager.  I was the biggest I had ever been when I got pregnant with Eva and then gained an additional 50 pounds on top of that.  I lost 25 of it almost immediately after she was born but I still had a long way to go. 

About a month after her birth, my brother got married and if I hadn't been motivated before the wedding I definitely was after it.  I couldn't stand to look at myself.  It was horrible.  I became more focused than ever to lose the weight.  I started to count calories and became more active and the weight started falling off.  It wasn't long and not only had I lost the 25 extra pounds of pregnancy weight but an additional 15 pounds.  I still wanted to lose more, but I plateaued.  When Eva was almost a year old, I found out I was pregnant with our second girl, Aubrey. 

My pregnancy with Aubrey was very similar to my pregnancy with Eva. I gained 50 pounds again.  I have to say, this was completely my fault.  I gave in to nearly every craving I had and I paid the price.  The weight didn't come off quite as easy the second time.  In fact, I'm still fighting it.  I had reached my pre pregnancy weight, but I haven't been able to break past that point.  I've actually had a really hard time maintaining it. 

In October of last year a friend contacted me about joining a fitness group on Facebook.  I felt like this was exactly what I needed.  I joined and for the first few weeks, I did pretty well.  I was exercising more and harder than I ever had and I was eating well, but I still wasn't losing anything.  I was starting to get extremely discouraged and then the group fell apart.  Without that accountability and with my frustration at the lack of results, I completely slacked off.  I pretty much quit exercising all together.  I was still trying to watch what I ate, but when the holidays rolled around I allowed myself to splurge more often. 

So here we are at the beginning of the year and I'm still in the same boat.  I have to lose this weight.  I need to be healthier.  The women at the preschool decided to do a "Biggest Loser" contest, so I joined in.  I also had a friend contact me about another Facebook group.  This Body Back group is for moms who are trying to get back in shape.  I joined that also.  To top it all off, Adam and I both joined Weight Watchers Online.  I'm hoping that I start to see some results soon.  I've been working out and eating healthier again, so here's hoping it works this time!

I was going to post some pictures with this post but I just couldn't bring myself to do it.  Not yet anyway.  Once I start losing weight/inches (and I will lose it!) then I think I'll be able to post pictures. 

I Thought I Had Something to Say

I felt like I had something to say tonight. I logged into my blog and the first thing I saw on my feed was this post by Shannan over at Flower Patch Farmgirl.  Click on over and read it.  She said exactly what I've been feeling. 

It's the beginning of a new year, and whether I make resolutions or not, I am always reflective at this time of the year.  I don't think it hurts to look at yourself and try to figure out what's working for you and maybe those areas that could use some improvement.  I've made lists of things I'd like to do this year.  It's the last year of my twenties, so I actually started to think of 30 things I'd like to do before I'm 30. 

I have several creative things I like to do that are therapeutic for me in a way, but I hardly ever devote any time to them. I thought wouldn't it be nice if I could pick at least a month for each thing and focus on only it.  Maybe I could improve and actually use some of the supplies I own.  I thought about blogging about this.  It seems like something I would enjoy.  But does that really matter?

The past couple of weeks I've been thinking about areas in my life that I could work on this year, but I have to say, I haven't really asked God's opinion on too much of it.  Really, does He care if I can't use my sewing machine as well as I'd like to?  Or that I have years worth of pictures that need to be gone through? Or that I have a half finished crochet project that I haven't touched in months? Or that my paints have sat unused for almost as long?  Is that what really matters to Him? Maybe. Maybe not.  I haven't asked. 

What is the point of any of it, if it isn't what He's asking of me?  I don't have to look far to see that there are needs that could easily be met if we just tried a little harder.  And that there are needs that are going to take a lot of work, a lot of heartache, a lot of faith and love to be met, but if I call myself a follower of Christ, shouldn't this be where my heart is?

I don't write any of this to make anyone feel bad about where they are in their life.  I believe God calls us all to do different things at different points in our lives.  This is pretty much just a brain dump.  Things I've been mulling over about myself.  I think I'm getting too comfortable though.  I've been too comfortable.  He's working on me, has been for a while.  I'm not sure what He will ask of me, but maybe this year I can work on listening.  I can ask Him what He would like me to do in the last year of my twenties.  I only made it to sixteen things on my list.  Maybe I can let Him fill in the rest of that list. 

In her post tonight, Shannan wrote,

"And if I've learned anything at all, it's that walking behind Him means risk and sometimes even a little pain. It's all the things my flesh would rather avoid: tricky, grueling, exhausting, scary, humbling. And people will think you're a weirdo.

But there's a silver lining that casts a shadow on all the rest. Following blindly is exhilarating and life-affirming. It's addictive."

I want to learn that.


 

Blessing Box Link-up

I want to write. I'm just not sure what I want to write about. I saw a link up today about blessings. You're supposed to share the blessings in your life or something...I'm not sure. I don't think I paid close enough attention. Hold on a minute and I'll check it out...

Yep, that's pretty much it. You just share what God is blessing your life with in this moment. That's a pretty good thing to write about, I think.

Here goes.

At random.

Eva started preschool and is loving it. I am so grateful that she wants to be there and she wants to learn. Not only is she enjoying preschool, but I am so grateful to be able to be a part of this school.

Aubrey is almost potty trained. I say almost because it seems she's mastered the pee part but number two is something she still likes to keep to herself. Well, I just said that and she'll probably prove me wrong about the pee part. Tomorrow she'll wake up and pee all over herself all day long. It's what the child does. Prove me wrong. Anything to get a reaction. Maybe she'll decide to prove me wrong about number two. Maybe tomorrow is the day she decides the potty is the place to be. One can only hope.

I had a good visit with a friend from high school today. We talked at our class reunion a few weeks ago and realized that we are now right down the road from each other. She came over today and it was really nice to get to see her. It also motivated me to mop my floor and trust me it was getting bad.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I started reading Kisses from Katie a few days ago. I've had it for a while and it was on my reading wish list for even longer. It's one of those books that I've really wanted to read but put it off because I know it's going to challenge me. I have no doubt it's one that God is going to use to speak to me, and what I do with it is on me. Sometimes I like to act like my toddlers and pretend that I don't hear anything. Sometimes I like to be comfortable, and I know this book is going to make me uncomfortable. But in a good way. In a growing way.  I saw a quote from Ann Voskamp the other day (I can't remember the blog that was quoting her), she wrote, "And the Holy Spirit, our Comforter, comforts us when we step outside our comfort zone. It’s only in the uncomfortable places that we can experience the tenderness of the Comforter."  I believe that. 

One more blessing, I'm making tacos tonight. This is a blessing because, well, it's tacos. They're easy, they're yummy, and my honey likes 'em. Plus I've got a couple avocados that need to be used so I might even whip up some homemade guac. Plus plus, the girls don't like guacamole, so that means more for Adam and myself.

 

 

   

There are so many more blessings, but my belly is grumbling and Aubrey has whined at me, "My hungryyyyyy!" a couple different times now.  So, I'm going to just say yes to the tacos.



Linking up with Beth Ann at My Life More Abundant.

First Day of School

Eva started Preschool today.

I am so proud of this girl.  She has been so excited about starting school. She woke up this morning and was walking around the house singing, "It's the first day of school. It's the first day of school todaaaaay!"  Last night she picked out her outfit and tried it on to make sure everything looked just right.  We walked to school and she talked the whole way there.  I was there all day, because I'm working at the preschool this year, and she didn't ask me for anything.  She was completely fine on her own. 

 

 

She told me that she made lots of new friends but only knew three names.  I asked her what her favorite part of the day was and she said, "Snack time! No! It was playing outside!  That was my favorite!"



We walked home and I noticed she was moving a lot slower.  I asked her if she was tired and wanted to hold my hand and she said, "No...but I think I'm going to lean on your leg while we walk."  I asked her if she wanted me to hold her back pack and she said, "No. I can do it."  A few steps later she asked, "Momma, can you take my backpack? It's making me hot."


I honestly didn't know how I would do on this day.  Being at the school, I figured I would be fine and for the most part I was.  The hardest moment of the day was when we left Aubrey at Mom and Dad's.  Eva gave Aubrey a hug and a kiss (no one told her to) and said, "I'm gonna miss you my Aubrey girl."  and that's when I almost lost it.

 

 

 

 

 

Our world has changed.

 



 

Eva's Four

Eva turned four.  How did that happen?  It really does surprise me at times when I watch her.  Sometimes I see my baby, but most of the time I see an actual little girl and it surprises me everytime.

She's tiny. Real tiny for her age.  At her check-up she was 34 pounds (17th percentile) and 38 inches (41st percentile).  She gained four pounds since her first birthday.  I wasn't sure how she was going to handle the immunizations.  She hadn't had any in so long and she was due to get three.  I've been to every single one of my girls doctor appointments and this one had me the most worried.  I knew this would be the one that she knew what was going on and it made me real nervous.  She was great.  Three shots and not a single tear.  She didn't even say, "Ow!"  I was so proud of her.  The doctor asked her what she wanted to be when she grew up.  She confidently replied, "A doctor like you!"


First birthday.  Chubby chubby kissy baby!

For her birthday we enrolled her in gymnastics classes.  This Monday was her first time and she loved it.  After the class was over, she asked "Can I get my trophy now?"  Then on the way home she informed me that, "She can do all the flips."  I was there watching her the entire time and I can assure you, she cannot do all the flips.  She sure tries though.  She would fall and land on her head time and time again and everytime she'd get back up with a giggle and start over.  Her hair was CRAZY by the time the class was over.  Ponytail all to the side. Hair hanging down everywhere.  I'm going to have to do something different with that next time.  She had the best time though and keeps asking when Monday is going to get here again.

Second birthday.  She sang Happy Birthday to herself. :)

 

 

She starts preschool in the fall (Where yet, I'm not sure. That's for another post.) and I'm finding it more difficult than I thought I would. 

 

Three years old.  Not so much of a baby girl anymore.

Fourth birthday. Cake for breakfast. (and a banana)

 

 

She loves her sister so much.  They fight.  A lot. But they're also best friends and always know, or are in the process of finding out, where the other one is and what she is doing.

 

 

 

 

Four.  I'm so proud of this kid.  So blessed that I'm her momma.